Do you ever know what LOVE is???

I think most of all people’s in this world will have this feeling comes from inside your body, when you see a person than your heart beating so fast, you can’t even think, you can’t even talk in front of her/him, you can’t even sleep at night, suddenly you become awkward, you start to afraid to see him/her, you always smile when you’re alone in your room, you just want to write a story with him/her in your diary or even you just want to be with her/him every single day.

For me, I don’t know when this is the first time I felt in Love with person, it must be along time ago since I just going out with man with no love at all. I kinda a little bit trauma with this kinda word but I felt it about 2 months ago with him (Elephant) even if I known him for almost 10 years ago, but I keep having this crazy feeling when I met him even if he’s far away from me but I can’t tell anything to my heart beat, sometimes I hide when I seen him from a distance, I also scared to call him especially when he picked up the phone, I got so nervous around him, I also scared when my friends asking me to come to his house just to say hi, my cheeks turns pink when someone talk about him, I’ve been such a baby in front of him. That’s just me, I don’t know how about him though… I thought this isn’t too different with his act when I come along. I seen a few things when I’m around him, he always seen look so different, sometimes he act like a baby, but most of all his action in front of me, I just truly in love with him and I really like it when I seen that. When I think it again, I just feel this with him even if I have so many man in my life, how weird??? But it’s true. I don’t even feel that with Pineapple or my ex-s.

The differences between Woman and Man, Woman could show everything when she’s in love but Man always hide it everything. It looks like Man always prestige, he doesn’t want look negative even if everybody knows all about him, he doesn’t want to show how stupid he is even if he can’t do it, he doesn’t want to look sad even if he always crying inside, he always want to show he’s strong, he always want to show that he’s in charge, he always want to be a leader, he always want to protect his weakness, he doesn’t show much about loving someone, he just keep the feeling inside but sometimes he will telling his mother (if he closed to his mom), men do not want to say whiny, men do not like being marginalized, men also do not like being chased by woman, man do not want to be blamed, man always tell the truth to his best friend even he’s in love or not. I got that research from almost 20 years now by hangout with boys.

There is something that can not be seen by ordinary people to assess the real thing, there is a SECRET LOVE inside TRUE LOVE. If the men and women who love each other, they have a similar feelings, it’s kinda looks like 6 senses but it’s not. It’s feeling only they can feel it, not everybody could have that special things in SECRET LOVE. The example is when they’re a part and in the different place, Man is sick and Woman feel it too, Man is happy than his Woman will feel it too, Woman got in trouble with her problems, suddenly her Man knows it too. Sometimes I feel that too, but I can’t even check is that right or not, I got too scare to ask him especially when he’s acting so jerk which makes my heart being so afraid. This things is kinda weird for me and very rare with all my friends, say that I love to hangout with man and play with man all the time but I never feeling so scare of a man except my dad and Him (Elephant). I don’t know why but that’s so true… sometimes I got so sad and cry when he raise his sound even if he’s not mad.

I remember he told me this, “Let Woman is always being mystery for me”. His words that always remind me to not always telling the real story to man unless I was feeling so stuck and he’s sometimes right but sometimes very annoying with his answer. Do I ever feel bored loving him and he never give you some answer? I don’t mind, I just feel blessed to know him well enough, to get to know what’s his life, his family, his mom, his neighbour, his friends, to have chatting with him along time ago, to have conversation with him on the phone, to have time to see him okay, to know that he’s success now, to know that he published books, even if he doesn’t know I always following his life even though we’re now a part and have some serious problems. I couldn’t watch him 24 hours a day, but God could hear my pray for him every single day. Honestly, I always pray for him included when I want to sleep, I just hoping that he got the best in this life even if I just watching him far away. So this is LOVE even if you’re not going together, you always pray to God for his good and all his life even if he’s so angry and he said, “I don’t like her… I don’t like her… she’s so stone head, I will never writing or talk to her again.” and that words will stuck in my mind until the end of time. You always remain in my heart and soul, also present in every prayer and my prostration to Allah.


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